Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Ending with Hope


At the beginning of this year, e-skyoo [askew] was born... with no precise direction or goal. Mainly as a product of my own self-growth over the past three years, I made a decision to reach out to others who may share some of the same experiences and impairments.

I have used this blog to tell my stories, offer encouragement, provide advice and purge my soul at times. So much has occurred in my life over these last few months, and I have divulged much here. I have truly enjoyed connecting to my readers... realizing we have more in common than I ever expected. That discovery has been of great benefit to me in ways that you can not comprehend and I thank you one and all.

I have posted very little in the last couple weeks for several reasons. First I have been busy beyond my capabilities, so instead of just throwing something out there, I held tight to the belief that I would eventually have more time to write. I feel I owe the few loyal readers I have my best work.

Secondly, I have been going through a period of emotional turmoil and stress. I didn’t want to spew the depression I find myself in onto these pages. I would rather offer support and solutions.

Pain also has a way of zapping my creativity, but I know that it will not last forever. I feel selfish for thinking my problems are so big, that my suffering is insurmountable. In truth, when I am honest with myself and get out of my own crazy head, I know that I have tons to be grateful for. My petty crap is nothing in comparison to the hardship and adversity others are presently facing.

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

You are what you eat

As a personal trainer, many of my clients come to me with a goal to lose weight... at this point all of them! Outside of the actual time they spend with me doing a weight training workout (anywhere from one to three 1/2-hour sessions per week) I do everything I can to help them achieve this goal. This includes designing a detailed cardiovascular exercise plan, tracking circumference and body fat measurements and modifying their diet.

Here is the truth about weight loss...Sssshhhh.... My clients don't want to hear this (after signing a long-term personal training contract), and my boss doesn't want me to say this (it might cut into the gym’s profits), but here it is... hope I don’t get fired. At least 70 percent of weight loss is dependent upon what we EAT! Scientific studies support this, as well as my own personal experience. And I tell this to all my clients because it is important for them to know the truth so that they can approach weight loss in a realistic manner.

That is not to say that exercise is not important... it plays an important role in enhancing our overall health, fitness and performance. Exercise improves cardiovascular health, increases bone density, enhances balance and flexibility, decreases risk of injury, provides rehabilitation, increases metabolism, improves strength and changes body appearance.

I personally love to exercise and would never consider life without it. A program combining exercise and diet is considered by doctors to be the best approach. But when it comes to weight loss, the truth is... You are what you eat!

With that said, I want to share what I consider to be my top six nuggets of advice that I regularly suggest to my clients. Most of which are probably not new to you if you have ever been on a quest to lose weight, but I consider these to have the most impact.

Sunday, May 9, 2010

30 Things Motherhood Taught Me

When I look back over the years... 12 years... there are countless things I learned as a mother, things that I never would have known had it not been for my three beautiful children—Hannah, Sara and Max. Though most of the lessons were wonderful and amazing, some were not easy or pleasant or, even valuable, as far as I can tell up to this point... but they are an inseparable part of me. They have helped shape me into who I am today. And I wouldn’t have it any other way.

I learned...

... the names of all four Teletubbies--Dipsy, Tinky-Winky, Lala and Po
... holding my new born baby could be thrilling and terrifying in the same moment
... my children would repeat every ‘bad word’ I said at the worst possible moments
... washable paint doesn’t mean the same as wash-off-able or wash-out-able
... I can’t compare number two to number one; they are totally different beings
... number three was a blessing, never an oops
... doughnuts are a great bribery tool
... boys may never learn to lift the lid
... all my children had to color on the walls or in a book at least once, some more than once
... that to avoid a toddler who is utterly crestfallen, crushed, disappointed and defeated and who blames me for it all, I should have taken roses to the Wiggles concert... why did no one tell me these things
... not to EVER place a bouncy seat on an elevated surface as clearly and boldly printed on the warning label... sorry Love
... it’s ok to let her wear her Sleeping Beauty ‘dress-up’ shoes and Minnie Mouse dress to the store
... even at seven he wants his mother to scoop him up and sooth him when he gets hurt at a baseball game
... to ALWAYS bring snacks whenever, wherever I go with my kiddos
... letting a baby cry themselves to sleep is gut wrenching
... bathtub crayons are an impossible nightmare to clean off of white grout
... it is OK to use the TV babysitter
... my girls couldn’t be kept away from pink, sparkly, frilly stuff no matter how hard I resisted
... the time between her first day of kindergarten and her first day of junior high was so short
... parenting by volume is difficult to avoid at times
... Biter Biscuits are soooooo messy and that I should send what was left of the box to the babysitter’s house
... not to let my child stand up in the basket part of the shopping cart, as clearly and boldly printed on the warning label... sorry again Love


... all my children had to try cutting their own hair, some more than once
... Goodnight Moon can take 30 minutes to read
... nursemaid’s elbow (partial dislocation of the elbow) can easily and quickly be fixed at home and doesn’t necessitate a 20-minute drive to the emergency room while my child issues forth endless waves of blood-curdling screams
... meandering walks lead by a two-year-old are some of my most cherished memories
... a juice filled sippy cup left in a hot car creates a huge leaky, oozing, sticky mess
... the sound of my children’s laughter and giggles is the best therapy
... the laundry is never, and I mean NEVER done
... my children love me and forgive me even when I make mistakes, even really big huge ones

I am sure it goes without saying, this is by no means a complete and exhaustive list of what motherhood has taught me. And I know without a doubt I still have many lessons yet to learn...both joyously and painfully. I am grateful for my three little chicklets and the lessons learned, making me a better me.

I'd love to hear what motherhood (or fatherhood) has taught you?

Happy Mother’s Day

Friday, May 7, 2010

Here and Now

It is said that if we practice being present in the moment, we can have clarity, focus and peace. But I will be the first to admit that I spend way too much time worrying about what is going to happen or how things will work out. I also tend to relive events of the past in my twisted mind which were painful or I wish I had done differently.

Finances, health concerns, relationships, regrets... so much of which is out of our control... the future is not written and the past can not be undone. When I focus undue energy on the past or future, usually because of fear or anxiety, I only manage to torture myself with the awful possibilities... creating imagined realities that may never come to pass.

Concentrating on the past, wishing it were different, serves no purpose. I can not divorce myself from the past, but instead of regret, I need to learn from my mistakes or choices and then let go of the negative emotions I associate with these memories.

Now this is certainly easier said than done... I am a perfect example. But I know it is possible... at least I know that I can be present if I remind myself to do so. And sometimes I have to remind myself over and over. Is it possible to always be present? I doubt it, but when lack of presence causes anger, fear, anxiety, worry and inaction, well I know I need to try something different.

There are times when my mind wanders, and I just can’t seem to help it. But there is no failure in this... I just need to call myself back, and back again, and back again if necessary. As often as it is necessary. When I am going through a trying time in my life, it seems I have to remind myself almost every other second.

But I have found that the more I practice living in the moment, it becomes easier. And unbelievably (for my brain loves to dwell on the crap) there are times it comes naturally, unforced.

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Lifted by Friendship

It feels like forever since I have had the time to sit down and write... out-of-control busy... lots of stuff going on in my life, good and bad. Not so much bad as sad and difficult and uncertain and scary. I am sure this sounds familiar to everyone. I am not unique, but it is easy to start feeling like my world is crumbling and that it will never get better. You know, wallowing in my own self-pity. I am a master at this...

Thank God I have so many good friends... I had a couple things take place this afternoon that caused me a lot of anguish, but I got right on the phone, calling, texting, spewing, crying, ranting... and believe it or not I feel so much better than I did. A weight has been lifted...

Now for me this hasn't always been easy... to reach out and ask for help or just unload the things that are going on in my life. I would go through stuff and just hold it in and before long I was downright miserable. The fear, pain and hopelessness growing the longer I kept it bottled up.

Within a two-hour span this afternoon, I cut ties with a close friend (sad but necessary) then I followed it up with a screaming match with my soon-to-be-ex-husband (who I am sure unwittingly caught the jagged edges of my mood.)

Oh the joy, joy joy. I wanted to blubber, curse, crumble and rage all at once, and I did a little of all, but I also reached out to people in my life that really care about me and my well-being. Some offered advice, others adages, while a couple just listened.