Tuesday that feels like Monday

Even though today was Tuesday, on many levels it felt like Monday. Maybe because it was my first day back to work this week or because I was ooooh soooo tired which I am sure heightened my sensitivity to everything around me. I found myself feeling critical of others, but I also felt justified at times... which I am sure is not a good combination and will lead nowhere good...

In general, I really do try to be kind to other people, to not throw out my judgments or participate in idle or cruel gossip. I know that I wasn't always like that... When I was younger, and full of my own extreme insecurities, I could be quick to cut someone else down behind their back. I do try not to be so catty now... but have you ever come into contact with someone who just rubs you the wrong way and you can't help harboring ill thoughts about them?

At the gym where I work, there are a lot of affluent members. Most don't flaunt it but once in a while you witness someone looking down their nose. They can't quite treat you as they would a friend of equal status, because you work at the gym versus being a member. They hold themselves just above you, conveying their superiority whenever your paths do cross.

I find that with these type of people, I either kill them with kindness... making them feel like crap for being so smug. Or I go out of my way to hold myself above them by not making eye contact, ignoring their presence, or the-real-kicker by being in better shape than they are... he he he.

In the end though, I know they act the way they do because they are insecure and afraid. They puff themselves up to accentuate what they have that I don’t, only to conceal what they don’t have, which is confidence and a love for themselves.


Now there is another type of person that just sends me over the edge... or at least it did today. They are insincere know-it-alls who always have to have something to say about EVERY topic at hand. They drone on and on with their oh-woe-is-me pity party thinly veiled as advice for someone else. They make up stories about what they have done or where they have been, just so they can draw upon the sympathies of others.

And as soon as they open their mouth, I feel myself cringing, because it is immediately evident they just want to talk about themselves. And the lies and exaggerations they spew make my head shake in disbelief, because it seems like it was just a few days ago when they regurgitated a contradictory load of crap.

If I tried to keep from rolling my eyes, I’d probably develop a tick. If I happen to have a friend near me who shares my opinion, we exchange glances while trying not to smirk or laugh at the little blood-and-energy-sucking tick who desperately needs to be squashed, releasing the truth for all to see!

Now I am taking a really deep breath... didn't realize that was all bothering me so much...

Again, I know this type of person does what they do because they are insecure and fearful. They are terrified of being ordinary like the rest of us. They are afraid no one will listen to or care about them if they don’t offer an opinion or experience that tops everyone else. But instead of endearing themselves, they grate so deeply upon the rest of us with their dishonesty that they end up further isolating themselves, all the while blaming the world for all that is wrong in their life.

Now I have to wonder, do I exasperate others with my personality? Maybe on certain Thursdays that feel like Fridays, there are particular individuals who can’t stand my hyper, smiley, sarcastic, optimistic, hopeful and sometimes honest to a fault combination of character traits. Do they recognize my imperfect, insecure humanity for what it is? Do they have more tolerance for me on Saturdays?

Truth is I don’t honestly care. I feel kind of rotten for bad-mouthing others, but I’m not perfect. I do try to understand why people are the way they are and put myself in their shoes, but that doesn’t mean I have to like them or their stinking shoes. And if being true to myself is like nails-on-a-chalkboard to someone else, well that sucks, but I won’t be a chameleon for the sake of another person’s comfort.

I will continue my own growth by striving to feel greater compassion and acceptance of others... and in the interim they should count themselves lucky that I haven’t fully exposed them here... as I surely could... if I felt so inclined... just because it is a Tuesday that feels like Monday.