He only did this a couple weeks ago, but I started wondering who else had seen this. And not that it mattered who has seen it, but it is kind of strange that I didn't notice it for days. But if it's out on Facebook, well then it is fair game Hon and I can write about it here on my blog... I promise to be nice :-)
I wasn’t going to write about it directly. I wanted to keep it private for now and just skirt around it. But anyone who knows me and has seen any of my recent articles, may have read between the lines and wondered what was going on anyway...
In October, we will have been married for 15 years. We have known each other for over 18 years... and we have three wonderful children. When you get a divorce (yes... that’s right we are getting a divorce) it is your children you worry about the most. You stay together and keep trying long after you should have thrown in the towel and stopped making each other miserable... because of the children.
At least I know that my husband and I will remain partners for life in raising and supporting our children even after our divorce. My oldest daughter already knows, and seems to be handling it ok. When we told her it was almost as if she already knew and was somewhat relieved. Kids aren‘t fooled by our idiotic attempts to pretend something is what it isn’t. We have both talked with her, making sure she can say or ask whatever she needs without ever blaming herself for our failure.
My two youngest don’t know yet, because we are all still living under one roof... due to financial constraints that are still being worked out. We decided to wait to tell them until we had a more definite timeline. We didn’t want to create confusion or anxiety with the present living arrangement, giving them the false belief that daddy and mommy were staying married.
I worry that it will be emotionally difficult for them, but we will cross that bridge when we get there and do what we need to do to help them through it... ongoing reassurances and love, spending family time together with my husband and I, not being openly hostile to one another, not speaking negatively about each other, continuing to make and support decisions about each child together, and participating in family or individual therapy if needed.
For years my husband and I kept trying to make things work. We went to marriage counselors, relationship seminars and read a lot of self-help books. We always ended up back in the same spot... But I can honestly say that we gave it our all and it is time to let go and move on with our lives.
At a certain point when you are unhappy within a marriage, I don’t think you are doing your children any good by staying together if the only reason you are doing it is for them. And what does that teach them? That it is better to suffer and cause suffering to those around you instead of making a change that will in the end make everyone happier...
According to Dr. Robert Emery, Ph.D., in his article Parenting Through Divorce,
Children can emerge from divorce emotionally healthy and resilient, but it takes a conscientious effort - sometimes a heroic one - on the part of parents to manage the personal and legal business of divorce in a responsible, adult manner. Protecting their children demands that parents deal with their own anger, hurt, grief, fear, and longing on a schedule dictated by their children's needs, not their own.I believe my children will benefit much more from seeing the two of us happy each day, making the most of our lives for ourselves. I want to teach my children that happiness is not fleeting, something that blows in and out of your life, dependent upon another person. We choose to be content and fulfilled. If our circumstances are not making us happy, then we can choose to change them.
My husband and I are choosing to separate our paths, for the sake of happiness. That which continues to join us will always remain one of our greatest priorities and joys, our children.
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