Thank God I have so many good friends... I had a couple things take place this afternoon that caused me a lot of anguish, but I got right on the phone, calling, texting, spewing, crying, ranting... and believe it or not I feel so much better than I did. A weight has been lifted...
Now for me this hasn't always been easy... to reach out and ask for help or just unload the things that are going on in my life. I would go through stuff and just hold it in and before long I was downright miserable. The fear, pain and hopelessness growing the longer I kept it bottled up.
Within a two-hour span this afternoon, I cut ties with a close friend (sad but necessary) then I followed it up with a screaming match with my soon-to-be-ex-husband (who I am sure unwittingly caught the jagged edges of my mood.)
Oh the joy, joy joy. I wanted to blubber, curse, crumble and rage all at once, and I did a little of all, but I also reached out to people in my life that really care about me and my well-being. Some offered advice, others adages, while a couple just listened.
Now I don’t want you to think that every time something goes wrong in my life, I have to announce it to the world. But when one hurt stacks itself atop another in my life, I am finally realizing that it’s not always emotionally healthy or bright for me to attempt to handle it on my own. When I rely solely upon myself, thinking I know the answers... I tend to screw things up to a far greater degree. Consensus and reassurance are essential to avoid further blundering on my part.
When I reach out, I get to vent, oh yes, which is sometimes necessary in order to purge some of my negative emotions. I get comfort and compassion... a shoulder to cry on. I also get to hear the truth (if I choose to listen) about my part in the drama from people who love me enough to be rigorously honest.
Too often we don’t want to admit to others the problems we suffer. We tuck them away and agonize in private. We don’t wish to appear weak or needy. We like to pretend that everything is hunky dory... that we've got it all together, no problems, no worries.
We also wrongly assume that people don’t want to hear our woes. Now if you whine and complain all the time about every little detail of your poor sad life... well they might not. But when we are in true distress, those who love us want to help in anyway they can.
Friends make our lives better in ways that we don’t even realize. Studies show that having friends helps fight illness and depression, speed recovery, slow aging and prolong life.
In 2006, a study of nearly 3,000 nurses with breast cancer found that women without close friends were four times as likely to die from the disease as women with 10 or more friends. And notably, proximity and the amount of contact with a friend wasn’t associated with survival. Just having friends was protective... having a spouse wasn’t associated with survival.
Having friends has a strong psychological effect upon us as well. A group of students wearing weighted backpacks was lead to the base of a steep hill and asked to guess it’s steepness. Some of the individuals had friends with them, while the rest were alone. The people who had friends at their side actually gave lower estimates of the hill’s steepness!
Personally, I will never return to going it alone. I love and value my friends and I am not afraid to admit that I need my friends... each and every one of them! They offer me (as I hope I offer them) honesty, perspective, advice, knowledge, encouragement, strength, hope, companionship, loyalty, support, condolence, joy, laughter, love. I am beyond grateful.
References:
Parker-Pope, Tara. "What Are Friends For? A Longer Life" The New York Times (online). 20 April 2009. 5 May 2010. http://www.nytimes.com/2009/04/21/health/21well.html?_r=1
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